Hello my lovelies! Sorry I’ve been away for so long, things have been a bit up in the air this past week or so and I just haven’t had the will to sit down and make myself post anything (although really it’s all I’ve thought about doing, lol). I’m moving at the end of February and there’s just a lot going on, but I won’t bore you with the details, I just didn’t want y’all to think I had abandoned you! My posts should be normalizing time-wise in the next week but if it takes me a while to get anything new out please just stick with me, I’m doing my best 😀
But all that aside, let’s get into today’s topic shall we…
LOVE…sigh. I for one have always believed that true love is out there just waiting to be found — or you know, waiting to find me because let’s be honest here, my tracking and locating skills are like nil. I have problems following Mapquest instructions… yes really. And forget giving me directions involving street names (just tell me what it’s by for crying out loud) because all you’re going to do is confuse and annoy me. So in all actuality unless I just stumble across my True Love haphazardly (I am a kluz so it could happen I guess) I imagine it’s up to him to find me. Sorry Future-Man-Of-My-Dreams, I know it’s a lot of pressure but I have faith in you. And really, one of us needs to have these skills or heaven help us when the Robot apocalypse occurs and we can’t find our way out of a major city…but that’s neither here nor there.
Now I’m not one to sit and bemoan not having found my True Love yet (outside of my head at least, I can whine all I want too in my thoughts and you’ll never know…muwahahaha) but I rediscovered a song the other day that I hadn’t heard in years and not only did it make me literally laugh out loud, but it also made me think about my perspective on love (the song mentions prenups)… And over the course of this pondering, I realized that while I’m still a nutter about love and romance and all that good stuff, I have become a bit more cynical when it comes to the idea of love and/or True Love over the years. But that’s a product of life and growing up I think. It’s hard to keep a completely rosy outlook on love and marriage (which I equate with love — you know, you fall in love and get married) when you’ve watched your parents get divorced after years of unhappiness and you see the bitterness and the anger and all the things that could go wrong when you tie yourself to somebody.
I have always been the girl waiting for love, so full of faith that love was out there, and I still am. I just see things a bit differently now. I surprised the heck out of my mom and my best friend a few weeks ago when we were discussing women’s rights in Ireland and I mentioned that they have only recently within the last twenty or thirty years legalized divorce and how I could not imagine living in a place (in this day and age) where I could not get a divorce if I needed one. And that I would never live somewhere where I could not divorce someone, no matter how badly I wanted to live there. And since I am seriously one of the biggest romantics ever, this kind of threw them. For a moment they just stared at me with their mouths agape before finally my mom said (with a look of crestfallen, heartbroken-ness that I knew meant she blamed herself for my apparent loss of faith in love, which has been a major portion of my personality since I can remember) that she didn’t know divorce was so important to me.
(And I know what y’all are thinking, if she’s so romantically minded and believes in True Love, what the heck is she doing blogging about the importance of being able to undo a marriage?! But just stay with me, I have a point, I promise!)
It’s not divorce itself that’s so important to me, it’s the right to have one that I couldn’t do without. We’re human and sometimes we make mistakes, marriages are formed for all the wrong reasons, some people are not always who they appear to be, yadayadayada and so there must be an out. Imagine being trapped with someone, who for whatever reason, wasn’t right for you and who made your life miserable. *Shudder* I’ve always had a fear of being trapped, of being unable to escape something, but when I was younger I never thought of that fear applying to love. Now that I’m older I understand that love is a tricky B*tch and we all have to keep on our toes…that’s all I’m saying.
And having grown up completely enthralled by Disney Princess movies (I still adore them), I thought finding my True Love would be easy enough. I figured I’d fall madly in love when I was sixteen (you know…like the Princesses), get married, and Disney would eventually make a beautifully animated movie out of my epic romance. Yet sadly, it’s not so simple. I’ve passed my sixteenth year and still haven’t met my Prince Charming and honestly sometimes that just irks the bejesus out of me. Twenty-three isn’t old, and I’m far from being considered a spinster or anything, but when you’ve had a schedule in mind since you were five and you’re 6-7 years off that schedule it feels like a freaking eternity! There’s a line in the song I mentioned, where Fiona (yes, this is from Shrek the Musical…don’t judge) sings: “Ever after better get here, I want love in seconds flat,” and boy do I understand what she means. Sometimes it feels as if I’ve been waiting forever (The WAITING!!!!! …you’ll get it when you listen to the song) lol.
But divorce and the unscheduled waiting aside, in many ways, I’m still a fool about love. I can’t wait to experience it for myself and part of me still imagines it will be all Disney-like and coated in glitter or something. And maybe it will be, if I want it and dream about it and ask for it long enough (it’s called manifestation people!). But whether or not it’s dripping in glitter, I still know Love is out there. I’ve gotten older and hopefully wiser over the years but really, I’m still just a big kid reading my fairy tales and dreaming about my Knight in Shining Armor.
And yes… I know it’s today.