Alright my lovelies, this week’s photo challenge (Gone, but not forgotten) hits very close to home for me. You may remember about two months ago I mentioned losing my grandmother, my Mimi. This loss was unexpected and traumatic for my whole family. For all that we squabble like unruly children, we are extremely close and my Mimi was our fearless Matriarch. Two months have passed now and it still doesn’t feel quite real. I can hear her voice in my head when I think about her, I can hear her laugh, I sometimes think I’ll see her in the house, racing me to the bathroom or sitting in the kitchen. I expect to hear her movies playing at night, Titanic, Pretty Woman, or maybe one of the Underworlds. I see things that remind me of her or things I think she’d like to see and it takes me a minute to realize I can’t go and tell her. In all honesty it’s still too fresh and I do my best to make myself forget and not think about it. I tell myself that this is how life has always been, nothing’s changed and my world is not wobbling precariously, I lie to myself. Yes, my Mimi is gone, but she will never ever be forgotten. I carry her in my heart, along with all the others I have lost and together we trudge it out day by day, looking for the coming light. ❤
Hello my lovelies! Before I start I’d like to just say thank you to everyone who took the time to read, like, and comment on my last post, Snakeskin, but I’d like to give you all a MASSIVE thank you for not making fun of my artwork LOL! I was a bit nervous putting it up but now I think I may add some more original drawings to upcoming posts, simply because I know I have the best readers ever and y’all are far too nice to tell be how bad an artist I really am 😀 You guys rock.
Now I may not have a proper post up for the next few days (or I may just to distract myself, we’ll see how it goes) because my family is in the midst of one of the most heartbreaking challenges we’ve ever faced: the loss of my grandmother. It happened the night before last and I don’t know what to do with myself now that she isn’t right there anymore. It seems so unreal, like a dream I can’t wake up from and I try to occupy myself so I won’t think about it but then I feel guilty, like I’m trying to forget about her. Even writing this post makes me feel like I’m not being respectful, even though I know she was always supportive of my writing. I feel lost, unsure, like I may drown but I keep fighting my way upward. My beautiful Mimi is the third grandparent and second grandmother I’ve lost since 2009 and all I know is that one never becomes immune to grief. It changes, subsides, flares, and crashes into me like an ocean wave and leaves me feeling helpless, weak, guilty for not being a better granddaughter and for not appreciating her every moment like I should have, and so very very scared for my grandfather, my mother and her siblings, and my entire brood of fellow grandchildren. We will never be the same, how can we be when she was such an integral part of our world? What will we be without her? What can we be without her?
The truth is just don’t know, I don’t know what to do about anything right at the moment. So I push myself to keep busy, and in this busyness I discovered Emma Watson’s speech for the UN on the HeForShe campaign for gender equality. As a feminist myself, I was intrigued to hear what such a great actress had to say on the subject and I have to say her speech left me in tears. Wow, just wow. It is inspiring, honest, and real, everything I hoped to hear from one of my favorite celebrities. Her message is one that I think everyone needs to hear and so I invite you to listen to it now and if you do, please let me know what you thought! Thank you again my lovelies and know that I love you all 🙂